Sunday, February 02, 2014

Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

So I met someone special recently. It was deeply exhilarating. I felt like a hunger within me was being sated, a thirst quenched, a fire fanned.

There we go. - handsome Archie of Singapore.

Here's a story he told me.

Old Man: So what are you studying?

Boy: Oh, I'm studying law in law school.

Old Man: What do you what to be after you graduate?

Boy: I want to be a lawyer, I suppose.

Old Man: Then after that? 

Boy: Hmm, I suppose once I work hard enough I can rise up the ranks and make partner.

Old Man: Then after that?

Boy: After I make partner for a while I'll be pretty comfortable. I might be able to open my own private firm.

Old Man: Mmmm. Then after that?

Boy: Well, I reckon I'll be married so I'll have a beautiful wife and kids to take care of.

Old Man: Then after that?

Boy: I guess I'll invest in more property and have a nice house and car for my family.

Old Man: Then after that?

Boy: I'll grow older, I suppose. Watch my children grow up.

Old Man: Mmmm. And then?

Boy: And then I'll soon be old and be a grandfather.

Old Man: And then?

Boy: I'll be so old that I'll... die.

Old Man: And then?

He reminded me of something so important. That I don't want to wait until the last AND THEN to regret. To look back and realise my life could have be fuller. To look back and see my life had been empty. He reminded that

success is a byproduct of your passion and conviction.

So Amanda Lee, in 20 years, when you look back on this blog post, I hope you can look back and feel joy swelling in your heart. I hope you can say to yourself

"Amanda, you have tried your best to do the work that matters. To feed the hungry, to give drink to the thirsty, to clothe the naked, to habour the homeless, to visit the sick, to ransom the captive, to bury the dead. To love. To live. To experience and choose love every single day and to let it flow over. Amanda you have done your best. Amanda even though you might not have done everything completely right, you never gave up. You never shut your eyes and your heart to the exploding light and perfect forgiveness of Christ Jesus. You never turned away from the day into the night. You never lost hope in God. You never gave in to exhaustion and sheer frustration. You kept on swimming."

He reminded me also:
Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously.

Life is full of little joys and laughter. I must remember when to rejoice with a light heart. I must remember to PRAY WITH MY HEART AND NOT MY HEAD.

You must be VULNERABLE. He said "Some of you might not have had a girlfriend or boyfriend. That's because you are so, so, so AFRAID of getting hurt. You are afraid of being vulnerable because you might get hurt.

Which you will."

I gasped so loudly when he said "You will get hurt" that I felt my face heating up. I don't know if I how to love someone that much and give so much of my heart to someone I don't know that well. I don't know how to do that. I need to be secure that my heart will not be needlessly broken. Sometimes I don't know if I reinforce the barriers too harshly.

I think though, the only solution is remembering that the only person who will never never never never let me down is God. He is the only one who is perfect love. Because I have already received perfect love from him, I don't expect someone else to fill that void in my heart. I am free to love other better. I have faith that should I ever find someone... we'll be aye-okay. Hehe.

The only way to live is to live for others + God. 
- Cutie Archie William Goh :)

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