Friday, November 11, 2011


Renegade

I've just finished my History Paper 3. When I took a thick, inky black marker to cross out 11 on my calendar stuck to my cork-board, I felt a strange thrill creep up on me making grin like a fool. 

I'm sitting, here at my desk, thinking that I haven't blogged in ages. I read up on blogging and journaling and I realised that I'm not the only one who finds blogging cathartic, a whole host of other people do too. I feel marginally comforted in this. It's not a waste of time, you detractor fools! It feels like I'm receiving a warm, crisp, cup of coffee from myself, and not the awful black coffee but heavenly hazelnut coffee or Nescafemocha.  

That said, I will attempt to blog more regularly. It's so nice to tap tap tap tap away at the keys and not think too much and let the words appear on the screen on whim. It's nice after a tough and stressful paper. It's nice after taking a nice long run and cycle. 

It's nice. It's 9:32 and I know this isn't the end- it isn't the end of my exams yet. I still have biology and business left, but it feels so wonderful to enter into this quasi-comatose state and see words words words floating around on my screen. I feel like a drunkard. 

I attribute it slightly to the lack of sleep for the past few weeks- but mostly to my exhausted brain. It's not that exhausted, but it thinks it is. It is an irritatingly lazy brain. I wonder if there is a way to shock it alive from its current state of inertia. I don't even know why I'm chuckling at "inertia" because it's not even that funny- I'm just going slightly crazy, I reckon.

I can do this forever, type nonsense at myself like I'm insane when I should really, really be reading up on Business and Biology. Mr Connor would say this is stream-of-consciousness. 

So I've finished my English, Maths and History papers, and it's been an absolute relief, like a big red ten tonne truck has been lifted off my back. I'm pretty certain a 45 is out of reach at this point- and I am hence aiming for a 42. Assuming I get 2 points for my EE and TOK and 6 for English and History, I'm praying awful hard that I'll manage a 7 for Biology and Business. 

Oh exams, exams. 
Go away. 

I wanna be a renegade. 

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