Monday, August 08, 2011

You Did Not Bear The Shame

G, S and M have been showing me how to live my life- properly. G taught and is teaching me how to seize the moment, to think out the box, out of the norm, out of the conventional, she's teaching me what carpe diem really means, and it's making me very excited.

It's drawing closer and closer to IOC and Prelims and End of Years and somehow I just feel like living it up more and more, and I'm beginning to sense the urgency of it all. I have only 4 months- only 4 months left to spend with the most darling people in my life- Grace, Krystal, Carissa, Trish, Jonnaye, Judith, Ryan, JS, Hanjie, GidX2, Limheng, Darren, Marcus, Sien, Leeks, Vanessa, Yiann, Gordon, Emily, Angie, Carmen, Vange, Mong, Joshua, Nick, Neo, TimG, Sarah, Anna, Toj, JK, Julian, Eus, Wenxi, Esther, JY - and all those who have touched me in some way or another.

I feel so melancholy, because after I graduate, I won't see these people around school anymore- I won't beable to bumb into them along the corridors, I won't hear Limheng's annoying YALAMMM or Sarah's "AMANDA!" along the corridors or Eus's cheery morning greetings, or Joshua's intensities, and Nick's loudness and Darren's random questions and discussion about our faith, and Neo's outbursts of superpowers, and Grace's silly schemes, and Krystal's perpetual hunger during and between classes and C's daily treats and this and that and this and that and all that which makes me very happy.

I have gone running with (real names not revealed to protect identity of those involved) Speedy Gonzales and Wile E Coyote on Thursday, and under the pouring sheets of rain, and dripping, we bonded through (in the words of Gonzales) "pain and rain". I have red and raw blisters to show for it, and a mocking Mr Connor who made jibes at my running in the rain. It was brilliant- I would never forget how I felt I was living, I was in the present, I was there, I was feeling and being. I might have gotten a demerit for it, but perhaps it was all for the best.

On Friday, I got into trouble again- this time because I was lazy to climb 5 storeys down to retrieve a Mac charger from JY. Grace decided that we should fling down a rope to hoist the charger up- saving energy and having some fun in the process. We tied together bits and pieces of clothing, jackets, and kindly donated ties from the boys and slowly lowered our makeshift rope down.

Alas, alas, it was caught in the 3rd level window. I erroneously assumed it was a student who had hindered out brilliant scheme, and yelled down "HEY YOU! LET GO OF OUR ROPE!"

Call it what you will- they were famous last words.

A teacher's voice wafted up through the shutters to "let go of the rope immediately." I was stunned into silence and there was a huge flurry and frenzy amongst us as we tried to deny involvement- but my jackets and the boy's ties were in jeopardy and I did not want to be responsible for anyone getting in trouble for bad attire and hypothermia- and we had to retrieve the clothing somehow.

Fortunately, my courage (or stupidity) was not misplaced, and Mdm S was an amazing sport about it, and her class was in stitches. Mdm even told me that she couldn't believe her eyes at first- and I had to apologize profusely for disrupting her class with swinging clothes outside her window. Trust me, it was a difficult apology to make without cracking up.

Then we had a wonderful squash dinner, where we said farewell to Coach Tim, and C and I spent a wonderful time at my place<3
Tonight I watched Valkyrie and I feel so blasphemous for thinking that death is romantic- when it isn't. The director of Valkyrie, Bryan Singer, created an utterly magnificent movie. He's an absolute genius. The script, the music, the actors (Tom Cruise/Jamie Parker), came together like a perfect blend of ingredients, creating the most terrifyingly satisfying movie I've ever watched since Crash and Inception.

The music, I think, was the biggest plus- it was so elegiac, so mournful, and so artfully placed. For example, (SPOILER ALERT) when Olbricht and Lieutenant Haeftan were executed, the music was swelling and sad and crashing, like a huge devastating wave, but when Stauffenberg (Cruise) was shot,  the music just stopped, sudden, shocking right after the gunshot. The silence was like a blinding smashing of reality, a reminder of the reality of situation- the reality of the courageous and bloody sacrifices these Germans made during Hitler's Reich. It was a reminder that this movie was not fiction, but a reenactment of history, of the truth. It was a reminder of the reality of death, deaths.

The script of the movie is so brilliant- I watched the last 15 minutes of it about 7 times so I can remember exactly what the characters say. My favorite line is when Stauffenberg says to Olbricht right before his name is called to step up to be shot, executed, "Look them in the eyes. They will remember you."

It's so brave, so painful, so stupid, so courageous- it's sheer and open defiance in the face of oppression and wretched, debased authority. It's almost poetic, but I hate to call it so- it seems wrong and shallow.

All this is fresh from memory because I replayed it so many times my brother thought I was a morbid fool. Which perhaps I am?

The movie was fantastic because it felt like it was made "so that the world would know that we were not all like him". This is to quote one of the Generals before he was executed for treason, plotting to assasinate Hitler in the July 20 Plot, Valkyrie.

This is on the German Resistance Memorial in Berlin
"You did not bear the shame
You resisted
Sacrificing your life
For freedom, justice and honour"

This post is dedicated to Stauffenberg and all those who fought for what their sound heart was telling them- that being a traitor to the German state under Hitler was the right thing to do, and that to be apathetic, to fall into the status quo, who knew that to accept the treacherous atrocities was a cowardly choice.

This post is dedicated to those who possessed the courage to make thing happen.
Thank you for teaching me courage.