Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Hello Mr Caramel Corn

My days have been continuously exciting

First i get scared by these whackos (namely Joshua) who decided to wear this mask and jump out at me from behind the wall.

And i tell you the mask is so darn disgusting looking you would pee in your pant and break out into cold sweat if you see it at night and start hyperventilating.

Ah. Screw cold sweat, you'll probably just scream till you pass out.


And then Mah Mah is ill, and thats not very exciting. Its just all very sad and solemn and surreal.

Also, i read Emma and thats quite exhilarating because its a classic which makes me feel immensely intellectual compared to those usual trashy romance novels or Artemis Fowl (OH MARRY ME) or Calvin and Hobbes.

And plus Dawn says the world is going to end in 2012. Which is particularly interesting, really. Armageddon, and we get to be in it. Tell me thats not cool.

Not that i really mind, who needs to live that long anyway? Except i really want to get married first. I think it's awfully nice to have someone for you there forever and ever. Then again, maybe im just a hopeless romantic.

Its funny how we speculate about how our futures gonna be like.

Can you imagine if we could travel in time and all we see in 10 is a rushing mass of nothingness? Like the black hole, only it's engulfed everything else on earth.


Life is a little rushed, and sometimes i feel a little caught up in it all. Just like Mr Mas Selamat. Caught.

Only im not a crazy (albeit brilliant) terrorist on the run who lived in an abandoned house for 13 months selling Rumbly Burgers.


Gosh, im so punny.

And if Artemis Fowl is ever made a movie, they can't put Robert Pattinson OR Zac Efron as the male lead or else, HEADS ARE GOING TO ROLL. ROLL I TELL YOU ROLLL.


Spoil my childhood like that and SOMEONES GOING TO PAY, DAMMIT. Artemis Fowl is one of the biggest piece of arts ever, and i just adore, relish, revel in it's coolness.

No one beat Arty in his coolness.

I dont think anyone can play Arty, for one. He should remain a fictional character forever. But movies are inevitable, and i know how irresistible Arty is. SO IF EVER, and they cast some chickflick flake boy, i will be so pissed i will I WILL WILL. WELL.


Oh Arty thou art love thee.

I think Dominic Cooper should play him (only cause he did the cocky-intelligent-sexy boy part very well in History Boys) but he's too old.

I dont know.
I'd rather he remain my fantasy boy.

Caramel corn FTW.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

House Captains And Other Things

When they said AMANDA i thought i was gonna pass out, because in my head i was all ready to grin like the prop i was say CONGRATALATIONS CATHLEEN/NAT. And be glad for them.

I had it played out.
It was perfect and nice and comfortable.

It had never, ever, ever, in a million thousand gazillionie bazzillionie years struck me that people would trust me with such a fantastically huge responsiblity of being a HOUSE CAPTAIN.

Might sound rightly insignificant, but to me its so big and looming and encompassing and challenging and something close to miraculously crazy.

It made me wanna cry and wanna scream THANK YOU FOR HAVING FAITH IN ME and then yelling BUT DAMN YOU SHOULDNT HAVE, all at the same time.

Trust me, the feeling sucks so bad, i ended up having this half-crazed-shocked-eye-opened look for a few seconds before violently crossing my arms to reject it.

Over and over again.
And over and over and over again.

Then Dionne and me talked and talked and talked for the longest time because she was voted house Blue House Captain.

My mom said "If you're still a captain by next Monday im going to call the principal."

And Nat said "Its such a honor! Do you know how zai House Captains are?"


You can call me selfish or self-centered, but at the end of the day, i really think my results will mean more to me than a year of stress over my House because i am in charge.

The agony of rejecting it, was slightly more than painful, because giving such an honor and knowing how many people would be disappointed in me really struck something which KEPT ON RIINGING LIKE SIAO in my stomach.

But i think at the end of the day, had i taken it up and regretted it when my results were less then desirable, i would have no one to blame but myself.

NO ONE, but myself.
Just me, and my regret. And i think that kind of regret would be so much more bitter than the regret of giving up the Captainship.

I know FOR A FACT that i will not do well of my Os if i take it up.

It wasnt so much a risk, it was a fact. Because Sports Day ends ONE DARN MONTH before Prelims! And i cannot get down to business and study ONE MONTH BEFORE PRELIMS, because that is akin to RUNNING THE BIGGEST RACE OF YOUR LIFE on an hour's sleep.

Stupid and reckless. Especially if you know you're not Usain Bolt and need to sleep (or study) twice more than even average atheletes to gain the same kind of energy.


101 Annoying Things To Do

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this
is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for yourremote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward
silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector stripsinto peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary
mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"


53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J
Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
"What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.
When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in
the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is
necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in
a notebook. Mutter somethingabout "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing
the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

I love number 90.