Monday, December 29, 2008

FOIE GRAS

Apparently its an acquired taste.

NO.

EVIDENTLY. Its a acquired taste.
Sniff.

Whats the big fat deal about swanky, uneconomical, EXORBITANT french cuisine anyway? They always talk about it and say WHOOPEE DO its upper end, exclusive food for the elegant, chic people.

HELLO.
Well then, they must really enjoy eating baby food.
Cause thats what goose liver tastes like- and looks like. (after you've poked at it for a while.)

Gross and mushy. And its pretty disappointing because they serve it all done up and yummylishious and it smells like superbly fantastic. But then it dawns on you that this is LIVER. OF A GOOSE. Or duck.

Which pretty much annihilates the whole glamorous food thing.

BUT ANYWAY.
Today i went on a date at swanky EH QUI NOX. Hows that for EX QUI SITE yo!

Thats EQUINOX at Swiss Hotel.

I must say, it was quite an exhilarating experience cause the waiters were perversely polite, so much so one felt like smashing something, or climbing on your chair and yelling "IM A PSYCHOTIC SAVAGE! HA HA HA." really loud just to see how well-trained they were at handling crazy people reverentially.

(Erm- hey potential husbands out there, its not that i would EVER EVER do that, stand on a chair and yell IM A PSYCHOTIC SAVAGE HA HA HA that is. So put your anxiety riddled heart and at peace if you EVER EVER want to bring me there to propose to me in future.

Not that i would ACCEPT the unimaginative proposal, because putting the ring in creme brulee or my desert so i would choke on it isnt exactly original. In fact, it would run the VERY big risk of being cliched.

In fact, now, at this immature adolescent age, i would want a proposal at the beach. I always thought beaches were really beautiful. We could ride a double bike and wheeeeeee speed off into the horizon.

I digress.

Theatrics nonwithstanding, though, i really think ring-in-desert is really sad and unromantic and pathetically comical.
Lots of things could go wrong.

Scenario 1
Man- Have your desert dear, its wonderful.
Woman- Im really full, sweetie. (rubs tummy) Why dont you have it?
Man- But you must eat it! Do have a little, darling, its really fantastic! (Sweating alittle)
Woman- I couldnt eat another bite, baby, you must, MUST, have it instead.
Man- (Expletives abound under breath)
Woman- DID YOU JUST DAMN ME?
Man- No honey, i would never! I love you! Honey, i was going to propose to you tonight! Sweetie please, dont hit me with your snakeshin handbag, it really hurts! Listen to me, honey, liste-
Woman- I always knew you were an ANAL RETENTIVE MACHOCHISTIC PIG! You terrible (and this is spat like vermin) MAN.


Scenario 2
Man- Have your desert dear, its wonderful.

Woman- Mm. Yumyumm.

(Moments later)

Man- So, how is it, sweetie?

Woman- (Silence.) (Flaps hands ridiculuously and cluches her throat painfully. Her eyes are bulging out of her face and skin is turning a slight purple)

Man- HONEY!

Woman- (Makes a 'i love you' sign with her hands and shudders while she drops to the floor, her eye balls ballooning, terrified and striken. Evidently she was choking and is now dead.)

Man- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (Reaches for butter knife and stabs himself, only to realise it is too blunt. Plunges the crab pincer into wrist and lies on wife, convulsing in pain.)

END

My my, a budding scriptwriter, albeit a extraordinarily sadistically melodramatic one.


I DIGRESS.

So i stuffed myself with foie gras, and creme brulee (YAHHHH REMEMBER HSM), fondue in dark choc and normal choc and cheese, franche-comte, saint pauline, echire, fromage de monsieur- CHEESES and terrine foie gras, Sri Lankan crabs, and mussels and soba and gingerbread houses and muffins and fresh prawn, and SALMON!

And this, my friends, was the appetiser.
I know right, but the main course was anticlimatic, i tell you. ANTI CLIMATIC.

The portebello mushroom i ordered looked like compacted rubbish with sauce spewed all over. Its was terrifiCALLY terrible. Yeah yeah, blame the girl and her cheapo taste buds.

But honestly. Dont get it if you go there. I reckon they made it really terrible tasting cause their law must go The Worst Tasting Stuff Must Be the Most Expensive Expensive To Con People Into Believing Its Swanky Cuisine.

It was awful. My dad liked it though, so i blame him for stopping that High Class Acquired Taste gene. He ate my compacted rubbish while i enjoyed his duck. LEG. No more livers, thank you very much.


Equinox is a nice place to eat, i must say, we were 70 storeys up and the spectacular view of the southern-ish tip of Singapore was breathtaking. I was imagining i was a BFG (Thats Big Friendly Giant, ya poor, childhoodless, deprived, RoaldDahl-less kids) and i was mimicking picking up little people walking on the roads, scurrying around in their little lives.




Ahyes.
Sleepover at Bings was more than a BLAST, and at the risk of making a pathetic pun, WE BLASTED EACH OTHER AT LASER QUEST. (right, that did sound rather bad)

Yoho yoho.
I nearly died of the neckache sleeping on beanbags caused me. AND i nearly died because my brother accidentally almost drowned me in the pool. And lemme tell you, it was scary shit.

Altogether it was awful fun.
Love the lot of them.

BABIES TILL NOW MATES FTW!

No comments: