Thursday, November 27, 2008

Depression

I highly doubt im depressed.
But i reckon this is how it starts.

Sometimes you read the news with detatchment, and you see people getting killed, raped, bombed, injured, then we go eat a sandwich.

The nonchalance is undeniable, but justifiable. Cause, honestly, "we cant do anything".


The dememted, perverse terrorists who throw bombs around like its a DAMN GAME.

The whole world is in CRAZED ANARCHY.

(Gad im turning into a cynic)

I think we need a link, something to shock us into knowing that what is happening is real, and is tangible, is palpable.

My mom is stuck in Thailand where, i quote my grandfather "The stupid Somchai (Sheez man, alliteration. Poetic.) ah, just wont quit. I tell you, that guy is so useless. All the people come to the airport, i tell you, police NO USE. No use one. Need the army. Army better."

My grandfather is awfully worked up that my mom cant come back in time for our Japan trip tomorrow cause the Bankok airports are choke full with yellow protesters.

Geez. Im not really involved in Thailand politics, but as far as i can see, a man who cant even instill stable and reliable protection around the most important international transport hub in the whole country against HIS OWN PEOPLE is just so slightly screwed.

And the bombings and shootings in Mumbai, and all those terrorists who think their gonna die DAMN heros.

Not like my rantings gonna help anyone, i guess. Im just so frustrated with all that senselessness. SO FRUSTRATED. I dont usually feel like that, so i gather, this is either self-actualization or the start of depression.

While innocent people die out there, we sit here and morosely study binomials.


Sniff.

The worst thing about all this is that how my depression doesnt last. Like im so insincere and shallow and careless and unfeeling.

So now im depressed that im not depressed.
ARGH.

Controversy wins. Again.


FYI: I rolled over a boy's foot on my bike yesterday. I didnt know what to say other than blubber a pathetic sorry numerous times, while he stood there with a swelling toe, saying "its okay".

I wish i said something cool like "I'm sorry, but it was your fault cause you kept switching directions."

But the cool side of me tends to get grossly undermined by the aggressive pathetic side. Which is a bit of a paradox.

Its like, my cool side is king at first, then at the first sight of discrepency, calls for COUP COUP COUP rings through. And Cool is forcefully overthrown and Pathetic reigns.



All these while my sister talks to her Dog Called Bolt. I cant bear to call him Bolt cause its quite a desecration to the real Bolt. (The movie one with the fat cute hamster)

She goes on telling it to sit and stand and count and bark and howl and stand and sit and count and sit and stand.

A toy which responds.
Its like having a robot husband. Slightly perverse but gratifying because he obeys whatever you say and doesnt dirty the house.


I figure, added to my worldly depression, Coach calls me fat.

The days are looking bleak.

Onward.

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