Thursday, November 27, 2008

Depression

I highly doubt im depressed.
But i reckon this is how it starts.

Sometimes you read the news with detatchment, and you see people getting killed, raped, bombed, injured, then we go eat a sandwich.

The nonchalance is undeniable, but justifiable. Cause, honestly, "we cant do anything".


The dememted, perverse terrorists who throw bombs around like its a DAMN GAME.

The whole world is in CRAZED ANARCHY.

(Gad im turning into a cynic)

I think we need a link, something to shock us into knowing that what is happening is real, and is tangible, is palpable.

My mom is stuck in Thailand where, i quote my grandfather "The stupid Somchai (Sheez man, alliteration. Poetic.) ah, just wont quit. I tell you, that guy is so useless. All the people come to the airport, i tell you, police NO USE. No use one. Need the army. Army better."

My grandfather is awfully worked up that my mom cant come back in time for our Japan trip tomorrow cause the Bankok airports are choke full with yellow protesters.

Geez. Im not really involved in Thailand politics, but as far as i can see, a man who cant even instill stable and reliable protection around the most important international transport hub in the whole country against HIS OWN PEOPLE is just so slightly screwed.

And the bombings and shootings in Mumbai, and all those terrorists who think their gonna die DAMN heros.

Not like my rantings gonna help anyone, i guess. Im just so frustrated with all that senselessness. SO FRUSTRATED. I dont usually feel like that, so i gather, this is either self-actualization or the start of depression.

While innocent people die out there, we sit here and morosely study binomials.


Sniff.

The worst thing about all this is that how my depression doesnt last. Like im so insincere and shallow and careless and unfeeling.

So now im depressed that im not depressed.
ARGH.

Controversy wins. Again.


FYI: I rolled over a boy's foot on my bike yesterday. I didnt know what to say other than blubber a pathetic sorry numerous times, while he stood there with a swelling toe, saying "its okay".

I wish i said something cool like "I'm sorry, but it was your fault cause you kept switching directions."

But the cool side of me tends to get grossly undermined by the aggressive pathetic side. Which is a bit of a paradox.

Its like, my cool side is king at first, then at the first sight of discrepency, calls for COUP COUP COUP rings through. And Cool is forcefully overthrown and Pathetic reigns.



All these while my sister talks to her Dog Called Bolt. I cant bear to call him Bolt cause its quite a desecration to the real Bolt. (The movie one with the fat cute hamster)

She goes on telling it to sit and stand and count and bark and howl and stand and sit and count and sit and stand.

A toy which responds.
Its like having a robot husband. Slightly perverse but gratifying because he obeys whatever you say and doesnt dirty the house.


I figure, added to my worldly depression, Coach calls me fat.

The days are looking bleak.

Onward.

Monday, November 24, 2008

ICYL 08 : ASPIRE TO INSPIRE



This post will be in green in memory of RGS- the people who painstakingly organised ICLY (International Convention for Youth Leaders).

I was there the WHOLE of last week, and it was the craziest fun i'd had in a looong time. The people there (namely the facils JUAN WENCEN, and the people- XINPING FUXIN) are slightly out of their minds, and its hard to remember that THEY are the brainiacs, some who have perversely high leadership positions.

And i met the scary tracker from Sports School (Habbibah- erm i think thats how you spell it. Maybe its Habbiba, or Hahbbibah or something.) who sprints like a scariest wind you've met.

Used to be inexplicably terrified of her when she groaned and huffed anf puffed at the starting line, but when we i her out of the arena, she looksed so unterrifing and un-intimidating! IT WAS LIKE SHE STRIPPED OFF HER AIR OF GLACIAL PROFESSIONALISM.

It was so cool.

SO AMAZING-LEE COOL.

So, the acronym LEAD right, and heres how it went down.

L for LEARN
(EH EH WE SAW MR THARMAN SHANMUGARATNUM gosh i hope thats how you spell it, these guys have uber long surnames OKAY. HES THE BIG SHOT IN CHARGE OF SINGAPORES MONAYE. HOHOHO. I SAWWWW HIM. HE MADE A SPEEEEECH.)

On the first day we learnt to embrace our strenghts. (mine being ENERGY) Damn, they should see me during training. Im like a immovable dead thingy. But yeah, my energy level is disgustingly high. Its no wonder i annoy my family alot.

Sadly, my sense of PURPOSE is at an all time low. Almost the lowest in my Samonte Teamie.

I truly wonder why.

E for EMBODY
E was for the 2nd day where we sat through numerous talks and more talks and a speeches and more stuff. Then we had World Cafe, which was quite cool, cause i met loads of Auzzies and Indians and Vietnamese and Hongkees and Indonesians.

CALL ME WORLDLY, BABY.

A for ADVOCATE
Yeah.
We went down town to give out water bottles to ADVOCATE a cause.

Its was fun, though Singaporeans are grossly paranoid.
One Aussie was like
"Hey man, the people here accepted the bread more readily than the bottled water! Its not like it is more likely that we poisoned the water than the bread right? You guys are an awfully suspicious lot!"

HEAR HEAR.

Dude, man. We hear stories of rapists and how NOTHING IN THIS WORLD IS FREE AH, GIRL SO DONT ANYHOW ACCEPT THINGS AH. So its built into out little Singaporeany systems. Its a culture.

tsk.

D for DARE

DARE TO SPEAK OUT.
DARE TO DREAM.

Yeah. More speeches.
Inspiring talks.


Also had a revalation that Xin Ping is, undoubtly the unchallenged, BIGGEST, mighiest, MOST UNBEATABLE camwhore in the whole world. Honestly.



ICYL DA BOMB.

And i keep cutting my hair cause it always sticks out.

I reckon its never gonna grow out to its full, elegant glory ever again becasue of my obsession with chopping the parts of my hair that stick on bad hair days.

I am SO intolerant. GAH.

I've cut it 5 times since the first hairchop.
5!!

Woe is me. Hair.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

BOYS BOYS ALL AROUND

My brothers friends are awfully cute.
Theres this kid called Jun Zheng, and he had scrawled on the present

:Marcus!

Best Friends!
Today we have lots of fun because i brought 2 things!
Have good results next year and i hope we will be best friends forever!


And in that horribly adorable kiddish penning too.
It was too much for me to take.

Im not much of a squealer, but that had me over the edge. It was so gay!


I was running around insanely, getting the goodie bags for Samuel and the food (chicken wings, christmas tree shaped nuggets, fried rice, beans ect) down to the tables.

And honestly, getting a bunch of eight year olds to play a game of Spoon and Egg is like trying to get a moneky to lay eggs.
IMPOSSIBLE.

In the end, the game we thought the stupidest (namely throwing marbles into the wading pool and shouting GO GET EM!) was without a doubt the crowd favourite.

Namely because we only managed to play that one game. To think we had more than 15 games all lined up! Geez, all that wasted effort.

All they were interested was brainless, skill-less games like spraying each other down with water guns yelling IM JAMES BOND and diving in the pool to find marbles.


But it was sorta worth the effort cause my bro really enjoyed himself, and it was nice to see him all mad and wet and happy with my slightly crazed friends. (13 of them! And 5 of them brought their whole families along! I MEAN SERIOUSLY. Mom, dad, sister, 2 brothers, 2 maids! MAN.)


And plus, invest was a really hoot!

The 3 guys who me and Cleo guided round the school were quite cool, and one of them was just HILARIOUS. Both of us (Cleonme) were laughing our asses off at his sudden quirky comments.


AND PLUS.
I reckon our school looks really, amazingly nice around 730-ish. I was ushering for PMT and Celine taught me how to meditate while watching the sunset.

So in the middle of the passageway, me and Celine were doing strange things like balancing on a leg and breathing disturbingly loud.


AND I THINK:

STUPID CUPID WAS THE AWESOMEST SHIT EVER!
You guys are amazing. Weiqing, Shereen, Cath, Gerry, Becky, Celine and all the rest of them. AMAZING I TELL YOU.

I was so riveted by them i couldnt even move.

Weiqing, you made a crazy suave boy, really!
HAD ME SWOONING.

AND HAHAHA, SHEEREEN TOTALLY FITTED HER PART. The boy crazy, squealing, starrstruck, lovesick teen-age-er. HAHAHAH.

Catheleen was UNBELIEVABLY funny as a pregnant woman. I guffawed so loudly when she said her lines, everyone turned to look, and Nats voice suddenly materialised in my head "You laugh like a horse Amanda. GROSS."


What?
Horses are cool. Lor.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Caught In The Moment

Its pouring outside.
I love the rain, i love it i adore it i relish in it i dance in it. I LOVE IT.

I was prancing around the house, singing at the top of my lungs

"LET THE RAIN FALL DOWN
(eh shuddap la)
AND WAKE-AH MY DREAMS
LET IT WASH AWAY
(Can you please shut up)
MY SANITY!"

Geezer. Cant a girl sing without protestations from everyone anymore? I reckon its cause i was singing the bolded parts extremely loud. But "SHUT UP LA JIE JIE" is abit HARSH doncha think?

Its coming down in sheets and sheets, the rain.

SHEETS.

I realise i have to take off my watch to blog comfortably. (So it wont keep rubbing on my wrist which hurts like crap by the way.)


Since we're on the subject, i'll tell you about how Frann rubbed her thigh against me. (I know, oh-my-gosh) . We were standing in the rain under a tiny green umbrella, and i was pressed up against the wall with her shoving closer and closer to me, flattening me against the swimming pool partition in her heated frenzy.

HAHAHAA.


This almost sounds like some homoporn. But whoops, sorry you sickos, all we have here is a poor victimised umbrella owner, and a alarmingly inflexible water-phobic who has chronic ombrophobia but has NO UMBRELLA.

Though, of course, we cant say for sure.

HOHOHO.

I also had a revelation while i was showering.

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE RELATIVELY ATTRACTIVE-ISH.

My friends (in no order of merit whatsoever),

CARA. Shes pretty in the skinny, cute and bright-eyed way. She awfully nice and crazy, and talks wayyy to much. (wahseh, if she sees this i'll never hear the end of it)

LOOLOO. Yeah, shes fascinatingly goodlooking. (With the eyes and all). Thus, her obsession with taking pictures of herself with other peoples phones and wallpapering becomes acceptable because she actually looks nice. (I am so going to regret this. But since im going down as a asskisser, might as well do it well. And truthfully.)

Then we have FRAN-THE-PERV, whos rather handsome (no kidding! In those classics they call pretty women handsome.) and sporty-chick appealing.

BOBS, who is extremely crazy cute because she laughs so much. Shes gonna lead a long, happy life, i tell you. Break lots of hearts too, cause they say boys love girls who laugh alot.

NAT (small things come in small packages, buddy), who is awesomely pretty even though she doesnt believe me. She thinks her face is round like a mooncake but its not. Not unlike CLEO who is just-sort-of-gorgeous, and sings with that sore-throaty voice which is so stunningly nice.

And VANES whos sweet and un-singaporeish looking, with the symmetrical features (YEAH REALLY VANES, I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOUR FACE WAS AWFULLY SYMMETRICAL).

DIONNE has nice eyes. And her crazy hair makes that kind of unique pretty-ness unrivaled. (Sniff. She called me the EHPEETOEMEE of grossness too. Im too nice.)

And WEIQING!! shes so crazy mama, and unconventionally sassy-pretty ish.


And then theres CHUMMY whos just amazing cool and VERON whos becoming prettier every week (i dunno why. I figure its the eyes too.) and BELBEL and VAL who are my longest time buddies other than DEARDEAR who is totally angmoh alluring and NAO who is downright graeceful. They are most certianly attractive.




But then, i realise that ALL of them are really attractive because, mostly, of their personality. LOO is hilarious most of the time and shes a great buddy, and CARH is downright endearing. BOBS laughs too much, and is mostly accepting and listens really well. She doesnt gossip and doesnt really judge people. FRAN really cares for her friends. (Most of the time, anyway) And NAT is caring-and hysterical most of the time!

Everyone one of them is beautiful, on the outside, but mostly on the inside.

I cant say looks dont matter in this material world.

Its probably one of the most important things in fact, in this superficial and fast moving culture we have. (HAHA, first impressions do matter a whole lot, yknow)

But when we know the culture is wrong, dont follow it.

God only wants whats inside anyway.
He gives hardly a pizz for what you look like on the outside.

Culture thought talking to yourself in public was synonymous to insanity, but its now PROVEN that people who talk to themselves in their head or outloud are MORE INTELLIGENT and more INSIGHTFUL and REFLECTIVE, because its like writing a diary in your head.

HAHAH YA LOSERS IN THE BUS WHO GAVE ME FUNNY LOOKS WHEN I WAS MUMBLING SOMETHING TO MYSELF IN THE BUS!

IM SMARTER THAN YOU!


Sometimes popular culture is wrong.
We just have to be brave enough to see it.



REQUESTING:
The History Boys DVD. Anyone?

Sunday, November 09, 2008

HANGOVER

Midnight cycling is awfully strenuous.

My goodness, is it disgustingly time consuming. SO it says its only from 12pm-6am, but HA. They dont tell you that the next day is totally ruined and you gotta walk around yawning like some idiot who has Oxygen-Deficiency-Disease.

Honestly man, i was so tired in the morning (YEAH WHO WOULDNT IF YOU HAD A FLEETING 3 HOURS OF SLEEP?) that the whole place was spinning so vigorously i fell to the ground after i rolled off my bed.

I can truly say i never felt like that before.

The whole place was spinning so quickly, and i had this undesirable urge to puke my guts out. Gosh, it was like every movement made the place go round and round like it used to when we were kids and would spin on the spot like retards and then plonk on the ground and laugh hysterically as the place spun.

Church was gonna start in 20 minutes so i had 5 minutes to un-tipsyfy myself, yelled my parents (not excactly in those terms) from outside. DAMN.

I tried my best, i did.
My my crappy body was totally crashing on me. I had hit the end of the health spectrum. My body was at its limits.It was shutting down.

Even as i sqautted at the toilet bowl side my head spun and spun and i knew, at that moment, i could not make it to church in time.

(I went for evening mass by myself BAH)


But it was worth the pain, midnight cycling.
And if you could felt felt what I FELT, MAN would you know how worth it it was.

Really.
The calmness and wind in your face feeling is something you aint gonna feel in the day.

Ohboy. I gotta go again someday when i can sleep through the next day. Except i'll probably get like, jetlagged and stuff.


We The Cambodians.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

DIVIDE AND CONQUER

People all over the Free World are voting. The whole heady situation is becoming so big. And its not just because of Lehman/Lynch business either, everyone was so hung up on the whole thing long before the economy decided to screw all the bigshots around.

Honestly. I also think Singaporeans are so much more engaged in foreign politics rather than domestic affairs.

In Tuiton Yesterday
Ms Eu : I guess you guys arent really interested in politics. BAHYOU.

R-The-Brilliant: Im not actually remotely intrigued by DOMESTIC politics. However, i am incredibly informed with foreign matters-of-state.

(This coming from a Secondary 1 Nanyang Genius who probably has an IQ comparable to Stephen Hawkings, the paralysed man who wrote books by blinking his eyes.)


I must say so myself, Obama and McCain make more interesting news compared to Lee Hsien Loong and his party. I hardly presume a black/ex-beauty-queen-who-can-see-Russia-from-Alaska will suddenly sweep into the Singapore Goverment picture any time soon.

Until then, Singapore will have to be content with our seemingly humdrum state of governmental affairs.


I not really sure who i want to win anymore.

He (Obama) has promised that "the first thing I'd do as President is sign the Freedom of Choice Act" (known as FOCA). This proposed legislation would create a federally guaranteed "fundamental right" to abortion through all nine months of pregnancy, including, as Cardinal Justin Rigali of Philadelphia has noted in a statement condemning the proposed Act, "a right to abort a fully developed child in the final weeks for undefined 'health' reasons."

Damn it.
The fact that i am completely against abortion, makes me ONE KIND OF hypocritical since i like Obama's view of almost everything else and practically salivate when he makes those awe-inspiringly rousing speeches with his sexy, charismatic, chocolate self.

Plus, the fact that a woman who has yet to prove that she has sharp intellect and a firm grasp of the sophisicated economy-polictics (now even more so) behind that beauty queen homebody charm might become President and Commander in Chief of America's Armed Forces FREAKS ME OUT.

I dont know which is ultimately scarier, the fact that Obama wants to further liberalise the already broad-minded stance toward abortion in America, or Palin becoming the leader of the free world should calamity befall McCain.

BAH POLITICS.

Im not even living in America. See what i mean?

We are such busybodeees.





HOHOHOHO.
Divide and Conquer.

It has a certain ring to it, innit?

I always thought it was all about warfare, like how the troops gotta DIVIDE themseleves then conquer. Its so ironic its cool.



I escorted the Guest of Honour around our school yesterday, and hes called Dr Cheah. I was so nervous because i was afraid i'd forget his name and call him, like Dr Dolittle or something (because i was slightly hysterical at meeting a someone who actually used the salutation 'Dr'.)

I was awfully excited and i borrowed by mom's black courtshoes )with heels) because they were black and had awesome looking straps. I figured if i was going to make a good impression, i would do it looking pretty.

And pretty i did look.
Hohohoh.

In the end, because i kept repeating to myself "Its Cheah, just think Cheer. Call him Cheer! Haha, now i wont forget.", i ended up saying Mr Cheah.

WHICH WAS EVEN WORSE.

Dr Cheah was really nice, though.
Hes so gentle and nice, and personable. He really listens to people, and is scarily assertive in that quiet, uncondecencing way of his.

He askes me what i wanted to do when i grew up, and i told him Journalist, and unlike other people who would either say hey cool, and move on or scoff and mock me with the downsides of jounalism (no stability, always travelling, ect), he actually encouraged me and told me that he was proud of my dream.

(I was so touched i nearly cried. HELLO, the guy barely knows ME! Plus i called him Mr Cheah.)

My thank you speech when i become a renowned Natgeo Photojounalist who has won numerous awards will go something like:

THANK YOU DR CHEAH, ROCK ON!
AND TO ALL THOSE SUCKERS WHO TOLD ME I COULDNT,

IN YOUR FACE!


Okay, that was obscene.


But a girl can dream.

And while im at it (dreaming) i wanna marry TI, and he'll say

"Hey, youre way too cute to be working here"

and treat me special and nice,

and tell me "BABY, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU LIKE, BABY YOU CAN GO WHEREVER YOU LIKE."