Sunday, October 26, 2008

A Screeching Good Time


I walk through the darkness with Bobbie and Carh and tow, and furiously regretting my dopey decision to come to the NIGHT SAFARI (the Night Safari, for heavens sake!) on a HALLOWEEN night.

Even though i am known to be incredibly dauntless and audacious. And bold, and daring and yeah, keep going with all the synonyms. So, EVEN THOUGH i am known to be brave and daring and courageous, there are those rare times where i lose my cool.

I was clutching on to Bob as if my whole darn life depended on it, cold sweat trickling down my back as i muttered about how stupid it was to be here at night.

I normally find the Night Safari a very creepy place to be at night (though technically, it only opens at night, hence the name). But today was a HALLOWEEN night. Scarecrowns, witches with humps and bumps all over their faces, killer clowns, faceless men and goosebump inducing TimSum ladies prowled the front area of the Night Safari.

I was so freaked, i nearly pissed in my pants.
My and Bobbies and Carh clung on to each other as we braved the spooky Night Zoo. Meanwhile, our other friends (France, Sanch, HaoBao, Dre, Lexia, WeiT and Tif) where perversely dispassionate about the whole thing.

Completely unaroused by the grotesque creatures, my stoic buddies when faced with those crazed masked things, were either disgustingly masochistic or utterly detached from their emotions.

They claimed they are "not scared at all", and kept telling us (the wimps) that "it was all fake". Sure we know that, but HELLO its the instinctive human nature inculcated into us eons ago by our barbarian forefathers to be apprehensive of things that look like they crawled out from hell!

The nature of humans to RUN AWAY SCREAMING is built into normal homosapiens like us, but WHO KNOWS what happened to their animal instinct. Probably lost somewhere after the blood got too mixed with monkeys or something.

HA. We'll see who'll last longer in a forest.

Haobao was grossly unaffected by the monstrosity of all those freakoheads. I quote her " I wanna go molest those monsters again."

The Tram Ride through the 'Hell' Portion was the shit scariest thing ever. Our guide was totally screwing with our heads for the first part of the ride, saying all sorts of suggestive things like "In Ancient mythology, people believe that deers can turn into witches" and "pontianaks prowl rainforests" and stuff.

Darn her.
I was so freaked out i nearly died.

They probably said load more stuff, but my eyes were screwed shut so tightly and my hands intertwined through France and Bobs so painfully, the immense effort sort of made difficult to catch what the guide was saying.

In the end the creepos who were supposed to drape themselves in your face and scare the living day(and night)lights out of you, missed our row in the tram. I WAS SO RELIEVED WE DIDNT KENA THEM.

(Andrea, who wasnt scared at all, said she knee-ed the ghoul in the stomach and her knee managed to sense the chisled 6 pack of the guy inside the suit. WHOA sssexy ghoul indeed.

And MAN is Andrea skilled at sensing hot bods. Seriously, i would have been screaming my lungs out if the creature had flashed his ugly, deformed face at me. I would have screamed until i passed out.

And Haobao was molesting the hapless guy-in-suit.

Tough luck.)

And i wouldnt even have been able to sue them cause on the board outside it was clearly stated that they were not liable for anything misfortune that might happened to befall one of us 'wimps'.

After the eventful tram ride, we went for the walking trail, which was tons scarier cause there was no protection of The Tram. It was just You and The Dark. And the Creepos that lurked in the shadows.

I managed to brave the tree man (while hollering all the way) and the mummy, but it was the Chinese Zombie that got to me. Carh, that imbecile, said that we had to tell it that we werent afraid of it.

So we yelled "WE AINT SCARED OF YOU!" to its back.

(Before that the stupid zombie had touched my back even after i said 'hey you, dont you even THINK about touching me i mean seriously, cause theres a old woman in front of me and i'll scream so loud that she might have a sizeure and we'll have to come to you for the hospital bill" On his part, i was so delirious in fear, everything i said might have sounded like "Kahhh youdonttttt")

It swiveled around so quickly and its souless eyes bore into us as it stared. I SREAMED AND SCREAMED AND SCREAM AND YELLED AND SHOUTED with all my might as it slowly but surely hopped towards us.

I wanted to die.
My legs buckled under me as i backed into Andrea and fell down in my frenzy. Howling and shrieking and squawking like mad birds, i stumbled backwards and hid behind Andrea, my earlier words long forgotten.

it was cowardly, but the only feasible course of action.
His eyes were weapons enough.

We left the trail to go outside and face the killer clowns who were actually very nice. One was amusingly gross and i thought he was carring kerosine, but in the end we realised it was a basket of bottled bubbles.

The clown man was a laughriot. His makeup was freaky as crap but he was AWESOMELY FUNNY. I wanted so bad to see him with his stupid makeup off.

Hot Guy: Hey wernt you the girl in white at the Night Safari?
Me: Yeah.
Hot Guy: You looked so cute when you were scared.
Me: Yeah, i get that alot.
Hot Guy: I was the Friendly Clown With the Bubbles!
Me: I thought you were unbearably funny then.
Hot Guy: How bout now?

I dont normally have this moronic fantasies, but hey, no need to take life too seriously sometimes, nobody gets out alive anyway.

But then he set The Family Butcher on me.
The Family Butcher was this heavy set guy with bloodstains all over his singlet and was holding a chopper bigger than my head.

The (Hot) Funny Clown said
"Hey, dude, get the girl in white (me). Shes scared of everything."

(Hello he is SO -O deluded. I was brave most of the time.)

So The Family Butcher decided to heed Clown's advice and chased the Wimpy 3 (me Carh and Bob) around the entire entrance area of NSafari. It was so embarrassing and everyone was starring but i was too stricken with fear to bother.

It was one crazy night.

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