Thursday, October 18, 2007

I was walking home today, and the park looked eerily impending and creepy.

I kept thinking of all those rape/murder articles in the newspapers.
Freaking out. Freaking out. Freaking out.

So i was thinking about what to do if i actually got ambushed.


To make sure my friends have these safety precautions in mind, i have compiled a few things to remember if you get attacked.

1. If you hear rustling bushes, DUCK.
WHY? They always strike from the side, and wonk you out with a huge merciless bat. And when you're out cold , you're as-good-as-dead. (although if they wanna rape you on the spot, they'll probably want you conscious. heh, sorry, just a side note.)

2. Try pretending you're a martial arts expert.
WHY? Then hopefully, after you strike a fake KungFu pose, youre attacker would get freaked out and get cold feet.

3. SCREAM.
WHY? Go figure.

4. Kick and scream.
Why? To get loose. Then RUN LIKE YOU'VE NEVER RUN BEFORE.


IF THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE ATTACKERS.

1. If surrounded, drop to your knees and crawl between one of their legs, and RUN. Then you keep running till you reach someone. Saved.

But you can't run faster than the perverts, trip over a rock and (only as a last resort) PLAY DEAD.

(Frankly, it would be better to have ketchup on hand 24/7, but since this is ultimately not possible, you just have to pretend you died from the fall.)

-End of "Guide to Getting Away (100% un-tested, Use at Own Risk)"-

Yeah well.
So its not very explicit.

But whos says im the pro at these things away.

Heh.

SHE BROKE MY HEART
I WANNA BE SEDATED
-Girl All The Bad Guys Want. Bowling For Soup.

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